In More Ways Than One
by TwilightFanatic499
Summary: edwards thoughts on bella when they first meet, when he leaves, and when she dies


**I don't own Twilight or any of the other Twilight Saga Books; they all belong to the amazing Stephanie Meyer.**

_It is as simple as denying; you move to the new town and leave behind the old year after year because the world moves past you in a blur as you stand as motionless as a rock waiting for inspiration to hit you cold and empty heart. But when the new home to lie in turns out to be your soul mates your hear explodes with passion and love that you cannot comprehend. Though when you sit next to the angel in class you find her scent tempting the monster blocking the walls to your throbbing heart; the monster clawing up your throat threatening to kill. You swiftly move away from the girl in a rush trying to protect the woman making your heart pump with longing and agony as it begs for the love of the precious angel. The scent is too much for you though as you rush out of the classroom to move away from the girl as quickly as possible to fix what was wrong. _

_You do the only thing that can help you through the despair clawing its way back to your heart threatening to harm. You leave the angel behind feeling your heart stay away as you move farther and farther away from your long lost love. You have left for 2 weeks and feel the constant nagging in the whole where your dead heart once lay and run back to the woman that carries your heart with her every day. You learn about the girl with the beautiful brown eyes' likes and dislikes and come to the conclusion that you love her and because you love her; you can't be selfish with her. So you ignore her and try to leave the bubble that has managed to wrap itself around the 2 of you. Like a chain yanking tighter and tighter every day forcing the 2 opposites together._

_The pain and agony you feel when you leave her is too much and you find yourself not fighting against the cord between you 2, but embracing it and learning to live the life of the forbidden. Time passes and your love finds out your horrific secret and you turn away in despair hoping that she will see through the mask of the monster that folds over your true self. And as you hoped and didn't want to happen, she loves the man buried inside of your selfish shell your family calls a body. She returns the love you feel for her and isn't afraid of the monstrosity that builds strength the more you embrace the human instincts buried in your lifeless soul. _

_She sees through the empty shell and sees only beauty, passion, love, and strength that only she could seem to be able to find flowing in your now full and completed heart. She makes the venom in your mouth pour out not of hunger, but of the lust you wish to portray to your love. You know better than to let the lust-craved monster take over your body and hurt your love. You control your love for her and think about her safety and her innocence. The thought of your sweet, pure, and beautiful angel dead in your embrace is enough to keep the animal caged in the dark depths of your stone body for now. _

_You kiss her for the first time and you feel the electricity between ice and fire burning beneath both of your lips. She gets carried away and wishes the dreams you think of everytime you see her face and watch her sleep at peace in her bed looking like a princess in a lost tower. You have to stop her from unlocking the cage you have kept securely stable and pull away backing up against a tree seeing her sorrowful eyes burning with regret. You move to her and quickly reassure her it was nothing to be afraid of. She smiles a breathtaking smile full of love and happiness making your lifeless heart flutter unexpectedly in your chest; threatening to pop out of your solid skin. You caress her now crimson blushing cheek and smile for the first time since you had been turned into the monster that she sees through, only loving your sweet and gentle side. You spend the night with your love feeling her warm skin tingling against your own shocking both of you with each movement. She sleeps in your cold embrace and you listen to her steady heartbeat and heavy breaths, closing your eyes in comfort. _

_You introduce her to your loving family and feel the tension in the air loosen with her sweet and gentle presence calming the room around you, even your brother who has had difficulty controlling the thirst for your love's blood. Your family loves her instantly and you feel yourself elate in a troublesome bliss full of for once in your life, happiness. You go to a baseball game with your family and hear her angelic laugh as she sees you brag a bit of your skill in the sport but is instantly taken away when the group of other monsters approaches your family in the clearing. You contemplate on picking her up and leaving but there is no time for they are already here. They launch at your love and you do the one thing you can only think of when in defense mode._

_You growl. This sets the tracker off making him growl in hunger and in excitement for being able to play a fun game of catch and kill. They move away and you hear through the thoughts f the monster that he is planning on making your angel his next snack. You snatch her arm ignoring her jerks and protests and run away. She yells and screams at you; thrashing her arms from yours but it is no use, for your iron grip is no use for her soft soap bubble figure. You remind yourself she is indeed just a piece of glass that can shatter in one simple movement so you throw her into a car and rush to her house to pack for her to leave her family behind to protect them._

_You must part ways with your love to protect her and confuse the tracker keeping her safe. You confuse the tracker for awhile before he catches on and sets off in rage for your darling. You race to her as fast as you can but it is too late as she sits on the ballet floor with a bite to her wrist, a broken leg, and severe head injuries. Blood pours over the wooden floor causing your rage to pour out more but not over thirst but anger. You speed toward her killer and grasp his neck threatening to snap. He gasps at your integrity but remains locked in your grip. You feel a pair of strong arms of your father as he confronts you to take care of you love. You have forgotten her for the moment and move at inhuman speed to her before pulling her to your lap straightening her leg out and putting a cold hand to her forehead as she thrashes against your iron hold._

_The venom in her body courses through her burning veins and you stare hopelessly as she screams in agony. Your father says there is a way but you banish the thought of drinking from your love and turn your head ashamed of what you have caused because of your longing for her presence. Father reminds you that if you wait any longer she will be the monster you have tried to protect her from all this times that they threatened her beauty and pureness. You shake your head and close your eyes letting her scent assault you in ways more than one. You sigh and bring you fanged teeth to her delicate flesh sucking in the sweet taste of fruit and freesia evading your body flooding through your non-flowing veins making you crave for more. You suck deeper and feel her body go more limp and here her gasp your name in agony. You pull way and look at her in apology and hold her close. _

_You move her to the hospital where she is in better care and still asleep for the past few days. She awakes and you tell her your plan to leave and give her a normal life to keep her from harm. She thrashes and you soothe her with touches and sweet words as she lets a crystal tear fall down her cheek. You shake in agony as you capture the diamond in your hand and take the salty water to your lips and kiss her gently. She kisses back gently and you both pull back and embrace in a loving way._

_You take her to Prom and hold her body close to yours, enveloping the warmth and smile as you realize how lucky you are. You walk into the night and wrap your arms around her, protecting her from the cold. She asks to become like you. A strong, fast, agile monster that she sees as a path to forever. You deny her request and she bows her head ashamed. You kiss her lightly and gain her focus kissing her neck sweetly before heading back toward the school, living out your fantasy._

_It's her birthday but she wishes you to not celebrate it for her shyness and hate for presents. You sigh and allow your sister to plan a party for her to celebrate the time your love was born. You move to English class and she asks what you would do without her and you replay, you would die with her and join her in the end of her life and they would go together forever. She gets upset over the fact that you would kill yourself to be with her and you leave for her surprise party. _

_You celebrate and your love opens her present from you and she slices her finger on the paper. Your brother's control dissipates and he lunges himself at her. You push them both back creating a disaster from something as small as a papercut. Your father tends to the wounds as you think over the events. You once again risk her life on her birthday. If you weren't there she wouldn't be in danger. She could live out her life with a human, be human, have kids, grow old, die and move on, where as she would move on and you would stay frozen in time agonizing over your love. _

_If you weren't here she could be with someone normal. She would be in less danger and would have a normal part with her normal friends and normal boyfriend. If she did get a papercut the worst that could happen was she would get a band aid. She wouldn't have blood trailing down her arms, her boyfriends siblings wouldn't want to drain her of her blood. She would be safe without you. You already here the constant yelling at your head from your sister as she sees what you are doing and the yells from the bloodthirsty monster that is your brother feeling your emotions but it's too late for them to talk to you. _

_Your love comes out and she notices the change in mood and shifts awkwardly. She says goodnight and examines the mood in your eyes. You turn your head but it only makes it worse and you can feel the uneasiness blowing off of her in waves. She asks you to stay and you feel tempted to stay by your love's side one last time before leaving but you must stay true to your word and leave. You decline and her emotions turn to rejection and you feel the need to comfort her but you must stay stubborn and leave._

_You skip school and wait for her at her house and ask for a walk and smile to show a bit of normality but you know she knows that something is wrong just by the smile itself. You are about to break her heart and you feel yourself breaking too. _

_You give the agonizing speech of I don't love you and felt her agony rubbing onto you. You step forward for one more kiss and leave disappearing into the light. The love you had is gone. The life you lived is dead. The heart that rebuilt was screaming at you to go back as it faded farther to where you left it deep in the forest until it fades to a mere hummm and her scent is washed away. You leave your family ignoring their protests and fled to South America to be as far from temptation as possible._

_You don't live a life at all. You hide away not bothering to see your family again. Not bothering to hunt, you stay locked away from the outside world. From Her. You stay isolated from the outside world because it isn't worth being a part of unless you have your love by your side. You stay locked in the dark room and haven't moved or fed since you left. 5 months ago. The pain of losing her is nothing compared to the amount of pain you feel now. You sense another presence nearby. Your sister. She approaches hesitantly not wanting to hurt or disturb you. _

_She is shuttering in sobs, shaking in vibrating motions. Your dull, lifeless voice asks what is wrong. You don't hear a word she speaks but only Her name. You bolt from the room and run faster than the speed of time to your love to see the crisis. You arrive at the treaty border and smell blood. Her blood. Not caring for the consequences of moving over the line you reach a cliff where you could see a scene of agony playing through your mind. She jumped off the cliff flying through the air into the piercing water. _

_You jump in to try and save your love. You find her now lifeless body floating at the bottom of the ocean. You grab her arm and yank her up already knowing she is dead. You try to push air through her body but it is no use for she is already gone. The only thing that comes to your mind is that _you_ did this. You left her as a broken shell of who she really was. You feel nothing but remorse as you hug, kiss, and pull her empty body to yours smelling the dead come to you. You scream and yell and cry to the sky and feel something wet and cold touch your eye. A tear. It was silver and shining glowing around as more flowed down your cheeks. It is impossible for a monster to cry but it was happening. _

_Just like how it's impossible for such a pure beautiful angel to love you and care for you even if you killed, lied, and hurt others including her she never lessened the love she felt and you ruined that trust, that love, that bond you both shared was shattered in one motion and it was his fault. You finally don't let the loudness of your voice change your words as you let out a yelp of despair still clutching to your love's lifeless body. _

_You yell your love to her hoping she hears it from the heavens. You scream of the lie you told of how every inch of your body was love and care for her and how much of a disaster you were. You scream and yell and cry the silver tears. You hold your love tight and strong never letting go. You caress her sleeping face and clean the dirt off of her face and body not feeling the thirst in your body at all even if she and you are covered in blood. Her blood. You cry and scream your love for her and your sorry you failed her never letting go. You want to die._

_You want to go to Hell and never see her again for she will never forgive you. You cry and scream for death and feel thunder crack in the distance. You kiss your love one more time before picking her weightless body and carry her to the town border. You go back home and set both your body and hers beside each other and throw a match on you both feeling your body burn but it was merely a pitch compared to the pain of losing, hurting, and taking hand-in-her-death to the fire. _

_Soon enough both of you were gone and only ashes. You open your eyes and feel so light and open floating around in puffy clouds. You search around in the same clothes you had on before and see Her only a few meters away. You race toward her and she meets you half way hugging you tightly repeating how much she loves you as you do to her though she already knows from your screaming to the sky. _

_You kiss her no longer having boundaries and kiss her with all the force left in your body._

_You are with your love in more ways than one._


End file.
